Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Mixed Feelings
Today marks the first day of a huge change in my relationship with my son. It was my first day not nursing Gideon. I have been trying to speed up the weaning process since I found out I was pregnant. It was very much my choice and not Gideon's, which has been giving me feelings of guilt often. It has been increasingly painful to nurse him and I have been anxious for it to end for a while. I am so glad that I made the decision to breastfeed, but sometimes I feel/felt like a bad mom for wanting it to be over. Maybe because he nursed every 2-3 hours during the night until he was 12 months old, maybe because he seems to be such a needy boy, or maybe because I am selfish? I even felt relief that I got pregnant thinking it was a "good excuse" to wean early. I am not sure if breastfeeding is completely over yet, but today marked a big step. The funny thing is...now I just feel so sad. Gideon has never been big on snuggling and cuddling, and nursing was "our time." It was the only time he would let me snuggle with him. Maybe it's also because Byron has been working so much overtime and I haven't had much a husband lately. Maybe it's that and whole bunch of different reasons. Whatever it is...all I want to do now is cry...
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3 comments:
(((((((((((hugs)))))))) Weaning can bring about big emotions for moms. It's normal to wrestle through those feelings even when you know it was the right decision for you to make. You did such a great job persevering through the challenges you faced.
That picture is so pitiful! You did what you felt was right. Just trust your instincts. He can come play with Miles if he needs to take his mind off of nursing.
Thanks ladies. I am taking it a day at a time. Rachael, Gideon is taking to coconut milk-finally. And I can actually get it super cheep with coupons and sales at whole foods. I also make green smoothies a couple times a week. I guess I'm a little worried he won't get enough nutrients! Although, his doctor did tell me that he doesn't have to drink milk if he doesn't like it. He can get the same nutrients from other foods and just to make sure he gets them.
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