Galations 2:20-21

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly." Galations 2:20-21

Monday, April 18, 2011

Good Friday

This song came to mind as I started to reflect on Christ's sacrifice.

"When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all"

The Wonderful Cross by Chris Tomlin

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Mixed Feelings

Today marks the first day of a huge change in my relationship with my son. It was my first day not nursing Gideon. I have been trying to speed up the weaning process since I found out I was pregnant. It was very much my choice and not Gideon's, which has been giving me feelings of guilt often. It has been increasingly painful to nurse him and I have been anxious for it to end for a while. I am so glad that I made the decision to breastfeed, but sometimes I feel/felt like a bad mom for wanting it to be over. Maybe because he nursed every 2-3 hours during the night until he was 12 months old, maybe because he seems to be such a needy boy, or maybe because I am selfish? I even felt relief that I got pregnant thinking it was a "good excuse" to wean early. I am not sure if breastfeeding is completely over yet, but today marked a big step. The funny thing I just feel so sad. Gideon has never been big on snuggling and cuddling, and nursing was "our time." It was the only time he would let me snuggle with him. Maybe it's also because Byron has been working so much overtime and I haven't had much a husband lately. Maybe it's that and whole bunch of different reasons. Whatever it is...all I want to do now is cry...